Part 14A: When the Body Finally Said No

The first time I learned that the body and mind were interconnected was in November 2005. My doctor summoned me to take a month off from work to deal with what appeared to be an indigestion problem. A few weeks prior I had experienced the kitchen knife incident, followed by a temporary loss of vision. Now I was having trouble eating; three days of throwing up after every meal was the third and final sign that something was very wrong.

Digestive issues were not new to me. I had experienced indigestion on a number of occasions in the past and my doctor had told me that my frequent bloating and abdominal pains were symptoms of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) which, for me, meant my body would keep holding onto garbage that should be thrown out.

It was different this time though. My body had never rejected food like this before and the constant vomiting was beginning to dehydrate me. When I finally went to see the doctor, he recommended that I stay home to focus on recovery as he believed my indigestion was largely due to the stress I had repeatedly told him about in my past few visits. Even so, he never quite understood why I was always stressed; I had never told him about my emotional and mental state. Each time stress was brought up in our conversations there would be a puzzled look on his face, followed by a mere verbal prescription to not stress so much. I, too, didn’t understand why I was always stressed, but I had begun to suspect that it came from far beyond the stresses of school and work, and I was beginning to see that I was in denial of what I had recently discovered about myself.

I knew that if I wasn’t willing to expose my vulnerability to other people, then the only person who could help myself was me. With the time that I now had, I decided it was necessary for me to even better understand myself because I knew that whatever problem I was struggling with in my mind, it was also affecting the way my body was functioning. So I started to think. I didn’t know where to start, but since I was home with an indigestion problem I decided to start by examining my history in eating.

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